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fb entry from a couple days ago

it amazes me how I went from being terrified of needles to being very accepting of them. I don't know what happened to my trauma and fear, it just... melted away.

Every morning for a week, I got stuck and got my blood drawn, and was fine. Getting an IV? Fine. Getting a new one? Fine. When the nurse took out my IV for to-day before I returned back here, she left it on the table, and I picked it up and looked at it. It's so harmless. It itches and irritates sometimes, but the thing is actually really quite nice.

Winged infusion sets ("butterfly needles") are quite remarkable, really. I have small veins, so I cannot take bigger needles, generally, so IVs are winged needles. Then the tubes are connected and various medications and saline solution are injected into the IV.

Turning something scary into a learning experience really helps a lot, but I seriously have no idea where the fear went. Not that I want to get IVs, mind you. If God were to tell me tomorrow that I would live my entire life without ever getting another one, I would not mourn it, haha. But I'm just... not afraid any more.

What the hell happened? Mom would be proud, but I didn't do it; not for me, not for her, not for anyone. It just kind of... up and left one day.

Also got a haircut to-day, thus the photos. I'm glad to get a haircut. My hair was getting long and scruffy, and that's never good. It's been months since I've seen my barber.

A couple of the nurses seemed impressed by the new haircut, all dressed up in my flatcap, my button up shirt, tie, dress pants, etc. heh heh. Why do they all have to be married?

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria!

In all seriousness though, it's pretty remarkable, and I don't know how it happened. Quite confusing, but a good sort of confusing.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 19th, 2011 02:16 am (UTC)
Yes. My body hates me and wants to kill me, and keeping it from doing so involves being stuck. Acceptance of that.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 24th, 2011 12:52 pm (UTC)
Well, you need to lose 'friends' like that, if you want my opinion. There's no way to change the disability, so it is best to just accept it, and deal with it. Your 'friends' have a problem with it, but kudos to you for not having a problem with it any longer.
Apr. 19th, 2011 10:16 pm (UTC)
Was in the hospital in January. I learned to make peace with IV's. I'm kind of addicted to feeling pain. As discomforting as having the IV in my vein felt, I wanted to experience that pain. Not only did it distract me, it kept shocking me into the present. It was a very conscious rewiring of the lack of understanding which was a revolving story in my head.
Apr. 20th, 2011 12:18 am (UTC)
That's really great. I'm trying to mold my mind that way now, now that I've gotten the fear gone.
Nov. 1st, 2011 03:23 am (UTC)
Glad things are somewhat easier to roll with; although, I would never dismiss anything you're dealing with as easy.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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Rev. Michael Foley-Röhm, 16th Baron of Xternetsa
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